First question a criminal lawyer should ask

...is simply "Are you guilty?"

Then we would know how to do our job.

Then we know how to ensure you are protected from certain procedures which will make you incriminate yourself.

Then we would know how to make sure you win the case.

Then we would know whether you can win or not.

Then we would know what question to ask you.

Then we would know how much  chances for you to still be alive after the trial.

Then we would know whether to put you on the witness chair or not.

Then we would know who we are dealing with.

Then we would know what to dress you for the trial.

Then we would know how much to charge you.

Then we would know whether you are really a criminal or a victim of circumstances.

And most importantly, then we would know whether we want to take the case or not.